Thank You Midwife!
Today is national midwife day and I wanted to write a little something for the blog since I have been cared for by many midwives over the past five years! Throughout my pregnancies with both Lillie & Mark I would say that the healthcare I received was brilliant but it was really the care I received after my third pregnancy and during my fourth that really was above and beyond wonderful. First, a little back-story to illustrate how special the care was for me.
Firstly I would like to say that I love the NHS and I am a huge believer in the health care system we have here in the UK. We are super fortunate to not only have the free healthcare that we have but also outstanding services from NHS staff that do go the extra mile within their roles. However, there are a lot of cutbacks, staff are stretched and sometimes (and especially within baby loss and bereavement) it really can be pot luck on the type of care one will receive depending on the area you are in.
Back story:
So almost a year ago to the date I was in a really difficult place in my life. It had only been 3 months since we had gone to our hospital for our 12 week scan only to find out that our precious baby Dahlia had died 6 weeks prior and I had suffered a missed miscarriage. This was a truly devastating ordeal for both myself and Mark and the memories we have from losing or third child have left a lot of trauma and scars.
Weeks went by and life went on (despite the difficult days and heartache behind the smiles) and we found ourselves in a hotel in Perthshire having a night away from the kids. It was here that I decided to take a pregnancy test. I had been experiencing headaches for a few days now which had been a tell-tale sign of my previous pregnancy.
Now, after losing Dahlia I really just couldn't imagine having another baby ever again. I knew that with time this feeling would probably ease and that I would hopefully go on to have another beautiful baby but at this particular time it just felt far too soon. So mark and I were obviously doing our best to be careful and prevent another pregnancy. Unfortunately the very FIRST time we were 'intimate' together after losing Dahlia, we had an altercation with contraception which resulted in me having to go to my GP the following day for the morning after pill. I was so upset and felt it was so unfair the bad luck that we were having. It was even more traumatic having to sit with my Dr, sobbing as I tried to explain what had happened.
So there we were the morning after our hotel stay a few weeks later and I took my test. The second line came up rapidly and clear as day - I was pregnant: my heart was confused. I was happy and sad. One minute I felt contented and at peace and the next I felt angry and empty.
What followed was a lot of conversations with various friends and family, probably way too much googling and a whole lot of worrying that perhaps the positive test was a result of leftover hormones from the previous pregnancy. It was truly AWFUL. I went to my local surgery to meet with a dr in the hopes that I could have a test or ultrasound to confirm it. I was so elated to find out I'd be meeting with a female dr, convinced that she would be more sympathetic to my situation. Her blazay attitude still makes me feel sick to my stomach. She said that if I wasn't considering terminating then it didn't really matter whether I was pregnant or not and that I should wait 2 more weeks and take another test.
By this point the nausea had started and I was struggling to eat or drink and look after my two young children. I went to stay with family who could help take care of us. Now for yet another twist in this horrid tale. I took a second pregnancy test which was positive and the very next morning I went to the toilet and started bleeding. My heart sunk to my toes, I almost considered ignoring it. This brought back so much, along with new feelings and I felt like my head might explode. I called NHS 24 but I knew that the help I so badly needed would not be there as I had learned before that it's completely inconvenient to lose a baby on a weekend!
The nurse I spoke to was very helpful and assured me that someone from my hospital would call me either that night or the next day. I am still to this day waiting on that phone call.
My heart was broken. I desperately needed answers about what was going on with my body. By this point I had completely forgotten about the email I had sent a few weeks previously to a different hospital about moving all my care to there. I had a lot of different reasons for wanting to change to a different hospital and the day after I started bleeding, I received an email telling me that I could and that I had already been assigned a midwife: enter Rebecca.
And this is really what I wanted this post to be about: Rebecca. This midwife really was my saving grace, more than once throughout my pregnancy with Willow. As soon as I made that very first phone call to her, she had me in the same day for an emergency scan where we were relieved and completely overwhelmed to see our beautiful girl at 7 weeks. She had already outlived Dahlia and it stung but we were so grateful to have peace of mind. Not only that, we were given scans every two weeks up until our 12 week scan to make sure everything was okay.
I wish there were words to explain my feelings about the way that my midwife handled my care from the first moment she spoke to me. I had been stuck in a place where I felt like each time I had spoken to a health professional, I had a hit a brick wall. And each time that happened it hurt so much I could hardly breathe. Having that weight lifted and being met with sympathy to my individual circumstances and needs really overwhelms me when I think or talk about it. My heart swells when I think about the moment she told me I could come in for a scan...I am emotional just thinking about it.
Because of my overall experience in 2017, my pregnancy with Willow was full of ups and downs with more downs than I ever thought possible. Members of my family seen me at my lowest and most vulnerable and so did my midwife. At each and every appointment I had with Rebecca, she would talk with me about how I was feeling and try to figure out what we could do to better my situation. At one appointment in particular when I was really low she set up appointments with my GP and had my health visitor come out to visit to assure that I had the best support in place prior to the arrival of another child.
Rebecca also took a lot of care and time checking on our baby girls development. She always measured my bump a few times at our appointments and on Christmas Eve when she felt that I hadn't grown at all she sent me straight to another hospital for an emergency scan just to be sure that our baby was growing healthily. She always kept a close eye on my iron levels as I was very anaemic and when my medication wouldn't help she brought me in for iron infusion which helped to prepare for the worst (and the worst would happen after Willow was born).
When we chose the hospital that we did (which only had a midwife led unit) we knew that if I gave birth there and anything were to go wrong I would have to go by ambulance to another hospital. Unfortunately about an hour after Willow was born I suffered a post-natal haemorrhage which resulted in just that. I had previously had two relatively straight forward births and my pregnancy continued low risk as long as we could keep my iron levels up so I really do believe that having those iron infusions before giving birth saved me from having to have a blood transfusion. My midwives worked super hard and very quickly to look after me and stop the bleeding by the time I reached the other hospital. It was so painful and such a scary event and I am so grateful I had so much support around me for that.
My overall experience at the hospital I was cared for compared to the care I had received in my previous pregnancies was far better and individually tailored to my personal needs. We couldn't choose between Iris & Willow when it came to names so when we found out that one of Rebecca's daughters was named Willow, we knew this was a sure sign! I am so grateful to my midwife Rebecca and the other midwives, nurses and consultants who helped to bring our rainbow baby safely into the world. To them all I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart! Our little Rainbow is 3 months old now and the miracle we never knew we needed.